“Oompa Loompa Doompity Dalls…”

I can totally relate to any editor who might have seemed excessively cautious, simply because you never know what’s going to offend people. And even the simplest thing could get dragged out for weeks if the person who was offended took it to the Human Rights Office, for example.

One would like to think that a reasonable person would take it up with the editors directly, but all too often, one would be wrong.

I remember when my co-editor wrote this massive editorial praising the brutal, totalitarian government of Robert Mugabe. I don’t want to say his name, because it’s Jon something and he’s friends with Matt, but I had to pull him aside before the issue went to print and say “Listen Jon: I understand that you think Mugabe has quote unquote ‘a lot of good ideas’ and that when you and Matt graduate you two would really like to go to Zimbabwe for a couple of years and run PR for him and maybe drive a few jeeps into some shanty towns. I understand that. But what I can’t do is let you run this editorial. It’s 7 pages long, and we agreed you only get half a page. We need the rest of the space for ads and to let the layout staff rip-off jokes they heard on last week’s Simpsons in the personal/impersonals.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to lock myself in the boardroom like I’m busy, but actually I’m going to huff some glue and wait for Pinkerton and Skinner to get in and save the issue. See you in four hours.”

To follow up what I was saying, I was just happy that Sizzler helped me overcome my crisis of confidence and see that it really wasn’t about religion or sexual preference and that I really could just be annoyed with him for who he was as a person after all. In a way, he exactly achieved the goals toward which the Equality Issues Committee was working. In a way, he was a hero. An annoying, incompetent hero.

I mean, Matt’s virulent bigotry is one thing. I may not support it, but I understand he’s simply trying to create a safe space on-line for the racists of the world to share ideas and practice synchronous masturbation.

But multiple female staffers… that’s just crazy. And probably sexist.

Also: I never knew Matt endorsed bigotry so vigorously.

But, more to the point: I agree that the stuff from the ’80s was truly horrendous, and there’s no way in hell anything like that has been printed in the past decade. When I’d be in on conversations the eds would be having about how an article could possibly be considered offensive, I’d be perplexed at how something so innocuous could be taken so out-of-context… but, then again, I didn’t ever have to deal with the complaints.

I think having more women on staff in recent years has probably helped to right the ship, too.

I mean, I studied film at university. But as much as I enjoyed it, there’s not much opportunity to learn how to deliver comedy on a deadline, find your specific voice as a writer, trial-and-error your way to figuring out the difference between funny out loud versus funny on the page or funny between friends versus funny to strangers.

My daily work life essentially mimics press-nite, minus the body odour and greasy pizza.

Okay, maybe just minus the greasy pizza…