I’m really going to miss all this screaming and bawling when I go back to work

Today was a tough day. It’s coming up on 10:30 PM, and this blog post is the first thing I’ve done today that hasn’t involved a baby or a fitful nap. And I’m typing it into my phone with one hand while rocking a crib with the other, so I’m not even sure if it counts.

Our little one doesn’t seem to sleep as much as other babies. That’s not necessarily a bad thing; sometimes she’ll lay in her basket, smiling wide, making the happiest of noises. That’s what she did from 9:00 PM last night until about 4:00 AM this morning, and she was so cute that she almost made us forget that she was keeping us up all night.

Unfortunately, after a few hours of that, a baby’s bound to be frustrated and miserable. With rare exceptions, that’s the way she’s been acting since. My wife tells me there were some fun times, but I missed the bulk of them because I had to sleep whenever it wasn’t my turn.

So yeah, it’s been a tough day. My wife’s in bed now, and the kid’s still fussing. She’s too tired to sleep, and in that sense, I guess she takes after her old man. She’s bawling, and I’m venting on my blog, which probably isn’t that different.

That said, it’s good that this happened on a day when I was still on leave, and I could do my part to help out and still get a little rest whenever I was off the clock. Being here, in fact, has made me realize how tough it’s going to be to go back.

My wife’s the one who’ll have it tough during the day, of course. She’ll have to watch the baby on her own, and I won’t be around to help. But that’s the thing; I’m becoming aware of all the times I’ll want to be there but can’t, and all the nights I’ll only be able to spend an hour or two with my daughter before we put her to bed.

I should probably bear that realization in mind the next time she pulls an all-nighter like this one. Sure, I’ll have to go to work exhausted the following morning, but at least I’ll be spending time with my kid. If you only make your memories out of the good times, you’re probably not doing it right.

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