People need to acknowledge that I rolled up the rim and won

Listen, I don’t want to be “that guy,” or anything, but I feel like the “free coffee” award I handed in at Tim Hortons this morning got a really lacklustre reception.

I mean, I understand they’ve got to keep things moving during the morning rush. I understand how quickly things can grind to a halt when the plebes are forced to acknowledge that they’re in the presence of greatness. I know Tim Hortons doesn’t want to sadden its customers by making a big deal out of how much better and fortunate I am than they are. I get that, you know?

I’m not asking for balloons to drop from the ceiling. I was once an ordinary person, like everyone else in the Tim Hortons line. A simple “Wow,” or a “Good for you,” or a high-pitched “Holy shit!” would have done the job.

I mean, come on! The only excuse I can fathom for such a wanton display of contest apathy is that everyone at Tim Hortons is under strict instruction not to freak out when a winner comes marching down the aisle. If they did, after all, then people might start to realize how rare it is for someone to actually win something in this damned thing.

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