Of course I’m not planning on poisoning a bunch of the neighbourhood dogs

Yesterday was garbage day, and when Kate and I got back from the movies last night, the first thing we did was collect our empty bins and put them back in the garage. Empty, that is, except for our green bin, in which an anonymous neighbour and his or her dog had “dropped off a package,” if you know what I mean. And if you don’t, I mean a plastic bag full of poop.

Oh, the impotent rage! Not only have I got to keep a literal sack of shit in my garage for the next week, but there’s no way to know who left it there. Our neighbourhood is full of dogs, and it’s impossible to tell which of their owners thinks it’s perfectly fine to toss a bag of their shit in our green bin.

Short of writing “Don’t throw any more bags of shit in here” on the side of a bin that spends a good part of the week sitting out on a curb where a bunch of young children play, or taking next Tuesday off so I can spend the day watching my green bin from my front bedroom in the vain hope of catching the perpetrator doing the same thing again, I think I’m just going to have to accept the fact that we’re never going to bring this anonymous neighbour to justice, let alone prevent this sort of thing from happening again.

I did come up with a rather inventive approach involving laxatives and dog treats. But believe me, you don’t want to hear about it. And you really don’t want to hit Google in a fit of rage to find out just how feasible something like that would be, because you’re not going to find anything you’d ever want to see.

Posted in Uncategorized