The act of me eating these Doritos did not take place

The good people at Doritos have debuted a new flavour that they’ve apparently, and cumbersomely, named “Doritos Late Night: All Nighter Cheeseburger.” And as much as I’d love to crack a slew of jokes about this fascinating development, I’ve got to admit that the damned things really do taste like a cheeseburger. I mean, I haven’t eaten a genuine cheeseburger in six or seven years at least, but I do remember them tasting exactly like these chips!

Somebody finally nailed it! After years of suffering through vague and disgusting flavours like “all dressed,” the snack industry has achieved new levels of simulation! In fact, these things taste so much like a cheeseburger that a part of me wishes I could just dig up the corpse of Jean Baudrillard and say “Here, eat these chips and write an essay about them!”

To be fair, of course, a separate and far more sensible part of me would no doubt respond by saying “Settle down, college boy. At best, you were a B-minus student with a totally ridiculous major. Besides, dude, they’re just chips.”

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