Well, what would you have said?

Years ago, I used to work at a newsstand down at the mall. It was a thoroughly dull job, especially on the Sundays I tended to work, because of a serious lack of business.

I spent most of my shifts reading magazines alone during the lengthy gaps between customers. Conversation was usually pleasant but limited, which was fine; the only conversation I ever had on a regular basis was about the high price of cigarettes, which angry customers seemed to think I had the power to change.

One morning, toward the start of the shift, a young woman came in who was far too excited for the early hours of a Sunday morning. “Hey,” she asked, “do you have any copies of the Toronto Sun?”

I pointed her toward the pile of papers in the back corner, and she floated on air in their direction. “How many can I have?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “As many as you want, I suppose.”

She grabbed a pile of five and ran them back to the register. She tried and failed to contain her excitement as I rang them in.

“Look at the back page!” she said.

I shrugged and flipped to the back of an issue. Sure enough, there was the Sunshine Girl in all her fifteen minutes of glory.

“That’s me!” she shouted. “Look!”

For those of you from out of town, the Sunshine Girl is one of the Toronto Sun’s proudest traditions, such as it is. She’s a local girl who likes X and dreams of a career in Y. She’s a lot like the Page 3 girls in the UK, except she keeps her top on. In that sense alone, this conversation wasn’t as awkward as it could have been.

But yeah, it was still pretty awkward. If there’s a standard way to treat a stranger with respect even as she’s asking you to gawk at her body, then I didn’t know about it then, and I’m pretty sure I still don’t now. There’s certainly nothing objectively wrong with doing such a shoot, so I wasn’t going to judge her. But nor did I want to objectify her, especially since I’d be doing it to her face.

In the end, I went with “Hey, congratulations! Looking good, there!” It was utterly lame, but judging by her giggly reaction, it was basically what she was looking for. It was also true, so yeah, big day for Matty.

If Kate and I are lucky enough to have children down the line, and the day comes when one of them asks me how we met, I think I’m just going to tell them this story. What the hell, you know?

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