The housing kaboom

When you buy a house, and you’re one of the first people in your group of friends to do so, you’re inevitably going to be asked a lot of questions that you don’t necessarily feel qualified to answer. Kate and I had to learn a lot of this stuff on the fly, so we can hardly call ourselves experts. But that hasn’t stopped a lot of potential home buyers from asking for our opinions.

If I had to identify the single biggest concern that any first-time home buyer should have, I’d choose the possibility that you might be killed by a letter bomb that was sent to your home because the person who lived there before you was an international spy who made many enemies.

It’s been a little over a couple of months since we moved into our new place, and in that time we’ve gotten a bunch of mail addressed to the previous owner. And frankly, we don’t know this woman from Adam. We’ve got a drawer full of this woman’s mail in our kitchen, and for all we know, every single last one of those letters is a bomb, or a massive dose of anthrax, or a package full of raccoon eggs.

Again, I don’t pretend to be an expert, but I do endorse a full home inspection. The people who do these things are professionals, and if there’s any weird spy stuff in your house, I’m sure they’ll uncover it. Also, you’d do well to acknowledge that there’s a reason why it’s illegal to open somebody else’s mail.

Also, turn the lights off whenever you leave a room. Who are you leaving the lights on for, anyway? Don’t you realize that kind of shit costs money and hurts the environment?

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