Shot at last! Shot at last! Thank God Almighty, we’ve been shot at last!

Saturday was Gun Appreciation Day in the States, and it went about as well as you might expect.

Launched by second amendment aficionados in response to the threat of new gun control measures, Gun Appreciation Day fell two days before both the presidential inauguration and Martin Luther King Day. Some people took offense to this, but that’s just because they don’t know that the real civil rights heroes these days – and the real victims of any mass shooting – are America’s gun owners.

Why, Dr. King himself would have been a huge Gun Appreciation Day supporter if he were alive today, which he’s not, because he was shot and killed with a gun. That’s why it doesn’t even matter that the event’s organizers accepted sponsorship from a white nationalist group.

And by the way, if all this talk about the assassination of high-profile black leaders makes you think Gun Appreciation Day was meant as some sort of threat to the president, you can just cool your jets. Why bother to threaten the president when you’ve already threatened his daughters?

Anyway, the headlines were as tragic as they were predictable. Three shot in North Carolina, one shot in Indiana, one shot in Ohio. Not maliciously by a rampaging killer or a kid with an Xbox, but accidentally by law-abiding gun owners – or, if you prefer, liberal infiltrators who are in on the vast gun control conspiracy.

Ah, yes, the liberals. You can bet those godless hippies are laughing it up. Brandishing their assault-grade “I told you sos” and bathing in schadenfreude like so much patchouli, it’s as if they’re glad those people got shot!

Well, they needn’t feel so smug. After all, in America, five non-fatal shootings in a single day is well below the norm. If these people were the only people who got shot on Gun Appreciation Day, then I’d say the “more guns equals more safety” camp just scored itself a major victory.

Were they the only people who got shot in the States on Saturday? No, they weren’t. Not even close. And that extensive list only includes the shootings that were reported in the press; it doesn’t include the unknown number that didn’t receive or merit coverage in a country where an average of eighty-eight people are killed by firearms every single day.

These numbers have got to change, and Gun Appreciation Day is a good first step. Thank God we have the NRA and other civil rights heroes working to ensure that someday, every God-fearing man, woman and child in America will get shot.

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