When did I become such an expert?

According to Google Analytics, which tells you all kinds of neat stuff about your website’s visitors, “Matt Blair” is the second most popular search term that people have used to find this site in the past month. That in itself isn’t a shocker; most of the time, in fact, my name is at the top of the list.

But now, it looks like there’s been a stunning upset. Because the single most popular search term that has led people to my site this month is “Glenn Beck asshole.”

Now, I already knew that this site was, and still is, the world’s top search result for “Glenn Beck asshole idiot.” When I told my mother about it, she gushed sarcastically about how proud she was. She even pretended to cry. It was a big day.

What I didn’t know was that even when you drop the “idiot,” this site still does very well. In a search for “Glenn Beck asshole,” I come up fourth, just behind this article about James Cameron calling Beck an asshole. And to be fair, I think the only reason that article beats my post is because James Cameron’s inclusion gives it what I believe the SEO experts call “double asshole power.”

But seriously, the fourth search result for “Glenn Beck asshole” in the whole world? Out of all the people in North America who have a negative opinion of Beck and a blog on which they can voice it?

Do you think this makes me one of the world’s leading experts on what an asshole Glenn Beck is? Did that just suddenly happen without any deliberate effort on my part? Because to tell you the truth, I’ve been holding back on this guy. I didn’t want my blog to become a one-note screed about a hateful, ignorant jerk. But I could have written so much more, and now that it looks like I’m an expert on the subject, I feel like I should try and catch up.

I mean, this is exactly the sort of thing that cable news networks invite people like me on the air to talk about. After all, they’ve got an awful lot of time to kill, and they need a constant supply of opinionated schmucks to come on the air and help them kill it. That’s basically why Glenn Beck has a job in the first place.

I think I’m going to shoot CNN an email with a link to my impressive search engine rankings, and find out what time they’d like me to come on the air. Better yet, I think I’ll tweet them about it; they go crazy for that sort of thing.

By the way, did you hear that Beck recently told his television audience that he “doesn’t know why we’re not having real conversations” in America these days? And that during the same episode, he compared the plight of the average American to the story of Luke Skywalker? What an obnoxious prick this guy is!

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