I blame the following true story on the mainstream media’s stubborn refusal to cover the real issues

“Oh, my God!” the girl in the cowboy hat behind me in line at the drug store shouted as she picked up a tabloid newspaper. “They murdered Zsa Zsa Gabor?”

“I don’t know,” said the guy beside her wearing an identical cowboy hat. Seriously, you guys, I checked.

“But they did!” she insisted. “Look, it says! Is this for real?”

“Who’s Zsa Zsa Gabor?” the guy asked.

“Well, she was, uh…” the girl said, before grinding to an awkward conversational halt that made it abundantly clear that she didn’t actually know why Zsa Zsa Gabor is famous, which admittedly shouldn’t count as a personal failing in this day and age.

“They didn’t really murder her, did they?” she asked. “I don’t believe it. I just don’t believe it.”

“It would have been on the news,” the guy said. “If they’d murdered her, it would have been on the news, right?”

“Right,” she said. “I don’t believe it. But why would they say that? Why would they say she’d been murdered if it hasn’t even been on the news?”

The guy, at this point, was getting exasperated. “Does it really matter?” he said. “Like, in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?”

“Well, nothing really matters in the grand scheme of things,” the girl replied. “Not you, or me, or anybody.”

“Exactly,” the guy said. “Exactly.”

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