All morons hate it when you call them a moron
Boy, did you hear about that phony who wrote his own unauthorized sequel to The Catcher in the Rye by that guy J. D. Salinger? That guy’s got some nerve writing his own sequel to some other guy’s book without even asking that guy if he could do it. People are always trying to cash in on other people’s work without even asking if they can do it. Boy, I really can’t stand it when they do that.
But the thing is I only got around to reading that guy Salinger’s book a few weeks ago. I guess it was one of those books I should have read in school, and I never did, so I figured I ought to read it just to see what was so great about it. I thought it was an okay book. I really like the way that guy Salinger wrote it. It’s about a guy who gets kicked out of school, and he goes home to New York City for the holidays, and he just sort of wanders around because he doesn’t want his parents to know he’s in town because he doesn’t want them to know he got kicked out of school yet, and you sort of follow him around the city and you get to hear what’s on his mind all the time. Not a lot of writers can really make you feel like you really know what’s on the mind of the guys in their books. A lot of people write books and all these goddam phonies at cocktail parties talk your ear off about what a writer this guy is, and the guys who write those books can’t even do a simple thing like make you feel like you know what’s on their character’s mind. People are always saying this book is a classic or that book is a classic, and most of those books are really rotten. I really liked that guy Salinger’s book, though.
Anyway, I forgot what I wanted to say about the book and that phony who wrote the sequel to it. Sometimes I start talking about a lousy book some phony wrote to try and make a quick buck off a guy who really knew how to tell a good story, and then my mind wanders over to another idea about the good author’s book, and before you know it I’m talking about something else because it’s more interesting than a book some phony wrote to make a quick buck. People don’t like it when you start off talking about one thing and all of the sudden you’re talking about another thing, but I think if one thing makes you think about another thing then people should let you talk about the other thing if you get more of a charge out of it than the other thing. People can be really crumby when you try to talk about something else and all they want you to do is talk about the thing that made you want to talk about the more interesting thing in the first place.
But I remember what I wanted to say about that guy Salinger’s book, which is even though I think it’s really crumby that some goddam phony thought he could come along and write his own sequel to it without even asking if it’s okay, when you think about it you can sort of see how a guy like that would be tempted to think it would be really easy to write his own book that was a lot like the real writer’s book, because the way this guy Salinger writes is really repetitive. The guy in his book is always talking about a bunch of goddam phonies and saying things are crumby and saying things even after he’s already said them. Every other page of that goddam book, the guy he’s writing about is saying something he’s already said. I hate it when people in books try and say something, and then in the very next sentence they use a bunch of different words to say the same thing. People in books are always saying something they already said a minute ago. Boy, it really bothers me when people in books say something and then they say it again, like they think you weren’t listening the first time. It really bothers me when they do that.
Anyway, I really hate it when some goddam phony comes along and writes a sequel to a book that he didn’t even write in the first place, but when you really think about that Salinger guy and the way he wrote in the first book, you could see how a phony could come along and write another book just like it without even trying that hard. I really liked the way that guy Salinger wrote the guy in that book of his, but the way the guy talked was so repetitive and so full of the same words and phrases that it probably wouldn’t be too tough for some phony to come along and write a book of their own and say it was a sequel to that guy Salinger’s book, even though that guy Salinger didn’t even say it was okay to write a sequel in the first place. If a real phony wanted to come along and write a crumby book in the same style as a real classic book like the one that guy Salinger wrote, then it probably wouldn’t be tough if that guy Salinger had a really repetitive, redundant writing style. I really hate it when people try to take advantage of the way a real author writes just so they can write their own sequel to a good classic book. Whenever I read a sequel to a good book and the guy who wrote it didn’t even give his permission to the other guy to write it, I really can’t stand it, even though it would be really easy for that crumby phony to rip off that guy’s style. I really mean it. Boy, I hate it when some phony comes along and writes his own sequel to a classic book without even asking.
Another thing I didn’t like about that guy’s book is he took forever to get to the point. Boy, the guy in that book would talk your ear off about the same goddam thing for pages and pages. I really hate it when you’re reading a book and the guy won’t get to the goddam point. I really do.
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