Everything has the potential to be a song Morrissey never actually wrote
Consider, for example, the guy I saw walking to work this morning with little flakes of ice in his beard. Maybe it was the cold weather or my general reluctance to go to work, but in seconds my inner monologue was off on a rant to rival the King of the English Mopes himself:
“The guy with ice in his beard / As he wanders to work on a Wednesday / Down a road that beats him down / Oh, but who, who would ever notice / As he dreams about the clock striking five and a girl who doesn’t even know his face / And when pressed I find that it may never have been ice at all / But maybe just the froth of yet another latte / For I think you’ll find it’s not that cold in the morning tonight…”
I mean, I’m sorry, but I pulled that out of my ass, and I happen to think it’s pretty good. I’m sure the average person could do it with just about anything. In fact, if I were to take a quick look around the office, I’ll bet I could probably… Okay, here we go, check this out:
“Colin, you’ve neglected your fern! / As she points to the leaves and their wilting / Oh, why do I wonder aloud how I ever ended up here? / How she yearns for a country rain / And when Anne Boleyn laid by the seaside / I heard her say there’s just no parking in this town / No parking to be found in this desolate town / Whoa, a-ha…”
Give it a try sometime. You’ll be glad you did, to the extent that anything involving Morrissey could possibly generate human joy! Why, you might even wonder why people seem to think this clown is such a genius!
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